Happy Days

Two weeks into the new Con-Dem, Lib-Con, call-it-whatever-you-want coalition and I feel no need to be wound up about proceedings. Every Tuesday is worthy of a celebration.

Two weeks ago, Gormless Gordon got in his shiny, ministerial Jag for the last time to be driven to Buck House to hand in his resignation to Her Maj. Thirty minutes later, Dave got in his even shinier, newer Jag to be interviewed for the vacant position of Prime Minister and First Lord of the Treasury. “Yes, Dave, you seem like a nice chap, the job’s yours. And you went to Eton, so you’re a shoo-in.”, the Queen is alleged to have said.

Would a “proper”, single party government have been better? Maybe. Would a government unfettered by dampening down its policies to satisfy a minority partner be better? Probably. Would a government with a clear, UK-wide majority be better? Definitely.

But anything is better than having Labour in charge for another 4 or 5 years. Ex-PM Brown is now said to be “considering offers”, ranging from continuing his work as worst leader ever by becoming First Minister of Scotland to appearing as an extra in Holby City, although I think he is better suited to Grumpy Old Men. Labour are currently leaderless, unless you count stand-in boss Batty Hatty Harperson. I don’t. Her shrill posturing at Tuesday's opening of parliament sounded like someone who was reading punchlines from a third-rate comic’s discarded material. Which she was.

Long may it continue: the coalition implementing policies to reverse 13 years of oppressive, extravagant, wasteful government; Labour sitting on the opposition benches in a permanent “harrumph”, lead by (probably) one of the Miliband brothers, or hopefully the copywriters’ choice, Ed Balls.

Happy days indeed.

Silly Punt

According to the Daily Red Rag, a Labour supporter has bet £5,000 on an outright Labour victory tomorrow. He stands to win £75,000 if his horse comes in (to No. 10). Here’s hoping he is wrong and £5,000 poorer in the morning…

Sood off, Gordon

Step forward Manish Sood, prospective parliamentary candidate for North West Norfolk in Thursday’s election. In an interesting tactic to get himself elected and popular with his party, Sood is quoted as saying “Gordon Brown has been the worst prime minister we have had in this country. "It is a disgrace and he owes an apology to the people and the Queen”.

I’m not sure why Her Maj needs a consoling hug from the PM, but he could do worse than dedicate his final election broadcast to apologising for his ruination of the nation, sending under-equipped soldiers to fight unwinnable wars and for believing that employing a million extra civil servants is a credible alternative to creating a healthy economy.

Mr Sood is the most honest candidate in the election. And also probably the stupidest. He'd better watch out for low flying Nokias...